rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
