**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
