Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
