WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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