Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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