I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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