i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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