just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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