dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
