so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
