the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
