I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
