Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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