I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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