All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
