ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
