Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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