I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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