My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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