I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
