The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
