I just saw a hot homeless man
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
