I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Small penises have feelings too.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
