THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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