do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
