Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
