Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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