i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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