last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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