That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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