She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
God, I missed his penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
