How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
