this beer tastes like vomit already
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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