Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
