his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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