the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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