I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
