I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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