I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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