dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
