I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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