The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
