i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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