between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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