im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
