Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wear drunk well.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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