I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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