the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
