I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
