but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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