You work out of a Hotel?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
