dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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