I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
