you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
