New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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