Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
