she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Green mimosas i think yes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
