if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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