i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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