If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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