he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
