It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
