i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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