I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
