i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
