Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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