He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
