I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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